Still shopping

No.  Not for clothes or shoes, iPhones, iPads or other gadgets.

I'm looking for the perfect combination of pain reliever that would relieve me of pain every day.

It's been more than a week and we've been trying what's the best combination and dosage.  But to nothing at this point.

I've had heplock placed on my left wrist but it went out the next day - yesterday.  This option will make me take three ampules of the pain reliever everyday.   I think it would have been the best solution.  But considering the cost of the ampules, I have to look for another.

This next other option will save  me from buying pain relievers frequently.  I hope this works.  After the first intake, I will have to test how much time before the pain comes back, so I'll know how much do I take within a day.

Right now, it's been eight hours past and the pain isn't back yet.  I might be going for ten or twelve hours.  After figuring out how much to take everyday, then, I will have to cope with the adjustment period of about two to three weeks, depending on how my body responds to it.  During this period, there will be a lot of 'sleep days' and groggy feeling.

I'd really be praying for more colder days for the next two to three weeks.

"But they know enough about modern medicine to know its limits."

Of course, doctors don’t want to die; they want to live. But they know enough about modern medicine to know its limits. And they know enough about death to know what all people fear most: dying in pain, and dying alone. They’ve talked about this with their families. They want to be sure, when the time comes, that no heroic measures will happen—that they will never experience, during their last moments on earth, someone breaking their ribs in an attempt to resuscitate them with CPR (that’s what happens if CPR is done right).

The rest of the article is here: How Doctors Die. It's Not Like The Rest of Us, But It Should Be. Written by Ken Murray, M.D., a Clinical Assistant Professor of Family Medicine at USC.

(This was initially sent to me through e-mail by my college best friends a few days ago. Today, I saw the link at Jessica Zafra's blog.)

Changing my Rx

My doctor-friend called the other day for our Tuesday coffee time.  But as with the past few days, I couldn't, because of my back pain.  She suggested that I switched to or add another pain reliever to help me through it but I couldn't give her a definite answer.  I told her we could talk about it on our Thursday coffee time.

I then shifted the chat to the book I am currently reading.  (I wrote on one of my posts here that I wanted to stop it since I couldn't get myself engaged to it, add the fact that I am not so much into knights and kingdoms.  But she suggested that I continue.  I did.  Not only because of her suggestion but because of what happened to the story.)  She hasn't read it but saw quite a few episodes on HBO.  She asked if I already knew what happened to one of the characters and I said no.  Since she didn't want to preempt the story for me, she left it hanging, making it one of the things to look forward to on our Thursday coffee time.

Then came Wednesday.  The hospice nurse was here for a visit and when she learned about my back pain, she also suggested that I get another pain reliever. She told me that more or less, this has the same side effect as with what I am taking right now, which is constipation.  She asked why I have fears in taking morphine because she remembered suggesting this medicine a few months ago.  I told her that I was afraid that if I take it for such a long time, I fear that it would lose its effect by the time I need a stronger one.  She told me that I need not fear about this because we only have to increase the dosage in the future.

Since these two people suggested the same, I was convinced.  The hospice nurse left me a few tablets; this is part of their palliative care and one of our privileges as a member of the hospice.  She said that I only have to ask my doctor for the dosage or Rx.  This is not a problem since I was going to see my friend the very next day.

I actually became excited with the thought of changing my pain reliever since I am looking forward to days spent away from bed.

Thursday came.  I was actually looking forward to this day because of my coffee time with my friend.  I learned about what happened with one of the characters and I was excited to talk about the story with her.  But it was around this time when the pain started to creep in.  I've taken my pain reliever during breakfast and I'm supposed to be 'covered' until before lunch.  I tried to tolerate it and see if I could at least until my next dose.  But when I couldn't anymore, I sent a message to my doctor-friend and ask if I could take the new medicine and how much should I take.  When I got the Rx, I asked her if I would be well enough for our coffee time later. But she answered, 'Not sure, Ate Che. :)'

Since I was forewarned of the effects, I took a bath and had an early lunch.  I fell asleep and was relieved of the pain.

I didn't make it for our coffee time.

But I felt a lot better the rest of the afternoon.  And I look forward to more better days like it now that my Rx has been changed.

Sharing a part of my email to a friend

At times, I wanted to write but didn't know what to write or how to write about these things.  But since this friend of mine triggers these things that I'm finding it hard to write about, let me share a part of my email to her:

Anyway, that bukol in my puwit is not so much of a bother... although sometimes it does. The worse thing that could happen with it is when the time comes that it will really close the chance of my pooping. THAT would be a major problem. If I come close to that, my doctor-friend knows that I will have to have that stoma. I told her that ayoko na ng operations. But she said there's no other way. So, I told her... Okay, let's just talk about it later.

What's bothering me so much these days is my back pain, which is due to that rayuma they detected back in 2009 after my operation. It stops me from doing things most of the time. The sad part is uupo na nga lang ako, nahihirapan pa ako, so I spend most of my days lying down. Just checking my mails, twitter and facebook proves to be tiring for my back. I have to do it within 30 minutes, lest the back pain starts.

Well, after reading and watching a lot about cancer, there will come a time that chemotherapy will not work. It's either you give up financially or your body will not anymore respond to the treatment. The people from the hospice knows that.

As for that discharge that we don't seem to know where it is coming from, I know there could be answers... but it will take a lot of tests like blood works and CT scan (and probably more) to be able to find out. And I am guessing that probably, when I finally have the answers, I would already be broke - due to the expenses incurred on these tests - when they tell me that this comes from this part and you will need to undergo through either radiation therapy or chemotherapy AGAIN. And that is answer enough for me. hehehehe..

Hear those whispers

On conversations I have with relatives, friends and acquaintances, one of those frequently asked question was what are the symptoms that I felt or saw before I was even diagnosed with the disease.  I try to recall what they were but I couldn't really tell if they were symptoms.  I just tell them that this was how I felt and this was what I saw, but those do not necessarily mean that they were symptoms and that it holds true for every woman.

Until I saw this video.

Although I didn't have all, I've had most of these symptoms.  I want to share this so that you may know.  

The test result

My hemoglobin test turned around a favorable result.  I need not have blood transfusion, at least not  yet.  And I wish I won't have to.  But I still have yet to see if it is inevitable considering the circumstances.

We just had to change my prescription.  Looked for a better ferrous sulfate than the one I just finished yesterday morning.

Aside from that, I am on pain management.  For pains that are here and there from time to time.  I got two meds for pain.  Since Algesia could only be taken thrice a day, I need to have another one.  That's because sometimes the pain starts to get back even before my next dose.

The weather these past few days has been a blessing.  Since I had to spend most of my days lying down, it wasn't so hot for me to have the electric fan going for the whole day.  I just needed to turn it on during those moments when it felt like hotter than usual.  It's probably what those menopausal ladies call hot flashes.  In my case, it gets a little hotter when the pain sets in at its peak.  But it's good that it only lasts for a few minutes - five tops.

The Kindle has been a lot of help, too, nowadays.  Since I couldn't spend more time on the computer sitting down, I spend  a lot of time reading while lying down.  This is when the pain is bearable for me to go on reading.  Right now, I am reading 'A Game of Thrones' by Georg R.R. Martin and having finished only 7% of the book, I am contemplating into switching to another book.  Yeah, I heard this one's a good book (in fact it was the 2011 reader's choice at goodreads.com), but it's just that I'm not a fan of knights and kingdoms.  I'm giving myself until I reached 10%, and if it still doesn't make sense, I know it's time to choose another.

Switching to palliative care

I was supposed to have my eighth cycle this January.  But I decided to totally stop my chemotherapy treatment.

I made the decision weeks ago, but it was hard to sit down and write about it.

The first thing I considered was of course, my financial situation.  But this is not just the issue.

There were a lot more things that led me to this decision.  But I'd rather not talk about it yet.  There are questions that come along with my treatment.  Questions that haven't been answered for a while now.  Some of my friends tell me to go to another oncologist for another opinion.  But I opted not to.  I know what they will tell me.  There's no other way but to continue with chemotherapy.

So now, I am under palliative care.

Later today, I'm going for hemoglobin test.  If the result is low, I will have to have blood transfusion.

On the same boat

This is truly the season for eating and parties.  And I am glad that I already have one on my list.  Our high school batch's Christmas party.  And I was told that there is yet another one before the year ends.

Well, I must admit that I already miss not only being with people but also talking to people.  Admittedly, too, I got another invite for a cup of coffee the day after the christmas party.  I did not resist the invitation because I know that this friend of mine just came from a trip to the Holy Land and there are a lot of stories to tell.

But in the midst of all the topics, they could not avoid but ask me every now and then about my sickness, how I deal with it, what happens with this and that, what is not there that used to be, what is there that isn't supposed to be and all that stuff that sometimes you cannot imagine one might ask.

Most of the time, the questions and the stories run from direct experiences of people.  If not, it's something someone said, or someone heard from someone.  The trail could be long and sometimes not precise.  

But still, I don't really mind these things.  I actually think that with these questions and stories, I learn about my situation.  And the more I learn about my situation, the more I learn how to adjust myself and accept those things that in the first place I thought was only happening to me.

It pays to know that I could be in the same boat, I AM in the same boat, and I am in the same boat as someone has been.  This makes me feel less alone.  And that somehow, these things that happen to me is really what happens to someone who has cancer.

The best example I could give today is the taste buds.  I learned from one of my friends that her dad also had gone through what I am going through right now.  I lose my taste buds for a few days and gain it back slowly, almost in proportion in gaining back my strength.  She told me that her dad once told her that he couldn't taste the salty flavor of the food, then asked if I ever experienced that.  I said yes and told my story about how I cried over a breakfast of tocino and couldn't eat because it doesn't taste anything at all.

Upon learning about my friend's dad, I don't think I would cry over that tocino again.  At least I know that it happens to all of us who has cancer.  It makes me feel less alone and that someone has been there, tasted that.  

Now, I am brave enough to tell of my ordeal through this blog, twitter and other social networks not because I wanted sympathy.  I didn't start this blog to whine about the pain, but rather to make people know that we can fight it.  I didn't start this to scare but rather, to make you see that there is hope even after all the pain.

I just wanted to be an inspiration.

Back from the seventh cycle

As they say, we learn as we go along and as we experience things.  So, like what I did after the sixth cycle, I called the hospital early in the afternoon to size up their admissions.  They say that they have quite many and the guy at the reception asked me if I want to reserve.  I said, no, of course, since it was really impractical.  I told him I'll just call again a few hours before we leave home to make sure that they have available rooms.

About thirty minutes before we left, I called again and asked.  This time, the lady said that they have quite a few vacant rooms and said outright that Room 310 is available.  I don't really know if she already knows me but I was really glad she opened it up.  I told her we're already on our way and if there was still a need for me to make reservations.  She asked where I was coming from and finding out, she said, it's okay, it's near and we'll get it ready by now.

So, on the last three succeeding cycles, also cycle 3, I was admitted in the same room, the room that has been so familiar with me ever since I started chemotherapy.  Yes, it was coincidental that it was also the same room number that I stayed in college.  Well, the reason why I like this room is that it's neither big nor small enough for us.  The toilet was not tall nor short enough and the other things just fit right in the room.  The other room I was into one time was near the oxygen storage area and it was kind of noisy every time they will have to move the tanks.

I hope that it would also be my room on my supposedly last cycle... the eighth.

Preparing for the seventh cycle

As I said earlier, I was off to see my oncologist.

The results are all clear.  The chest x-ray was clear and she didn't say anything about that aorta thing.  She said that everything is okay except for the CA-125 result.  All she said was just let's focus on these things, which were what the CT scan was showing.

The CT scan showed that the mass along my recto-sigmoid region decreased by almost a centimeter as well as the nodules on my liver.

So, this means that I have to have another cycle.

I am now gearing up for the seventh.  As always, I'll be admitted on Monday evening and the session would be on Tuesday.

The X-ray result

We only had to wait for an hour for the chest x-ray result.

From what I saw, there is nothing to worry about.  At least, it's not showing anything like new growths and all.

This is what was written on the paper:

• There are no active lung infiltrates.
• The heart is not enlarged.  Aorta is tortuous.
• The cp sulci, diaphragm, and bony thorax are unremarkable.

Impression: ATHEROMATOUS AEORTA

If there is one thing I had to think about it's the impression.  So, I googled it and found out that this goes with aging, except if there are any other remarkable result.

And one of the things that could prevent this from getting worse is exercise.  Aside from being careful in what I eat.

I guess my oncologist will be repeating what she told me the other day (in which I didn't write about).  She gave me a go-signal to attend my sister's aerobic classes.  But only if I have to control myself and not overdo it.

On the other hand, I don't know how it's going to be with regard to my CA-125 result.  The x-ray result only shows that the high CA-125 is not coming from the chest area.  I wonder what's next to this.

But of course, I have yet to show the result to my oncologist today and see what she says.  I'll post whatever she says later today.

We need to find out where it's coming from

Before I went to my oncologist yesterday, I needed to find out the result of my CA125 blood work.  Since we are a little short of time, I just called the lab for the result and get the paper later.

Last August, it was 135.00 and the normal range is 0-35.  It was above normal although I thought there was really nothing to worry about.

But this time, it's 487.6.  It's higher.  And we are quite surprised.

My oncologist said that we need to know where this is coming from.  The CT scan showed good results but we need to look into this.  She said that although the CT scan is more accurate, we still have to find out what makes the CA 125 result high.

Today, as per the request of my oncologist, I need to have a chest x-ray.  She probably want to know if there are new growths, growths around my lungs and my breasts.

Room 310

Sixth Cycle, Room 310
27 October 2011 - 29 October 2011

I was in a little bit of luck again to get the room I prefer.  Room 310.  The nurse asked why I like this room.  I said it's because it's big and of all the rooms I got into since I started chemotherapy, this is the room that I got most comfortable with.

It's also quite coincidental that this room number is my room number way back in college.  Me and my college room mates/friends have a lot of good memories in that room in ICLD.

A quick post before I go for my sixth cycle

*  Right now, I am just killing time before we go to the hospital for my sixth cycle of chemotherapy.  This time, I'm bringing my PSP to see if there's a free Wi-fi there at the hospital.  Cross your fingers with me.

*  My BFF's daughter wanted a funsign for her birthday and I didn't know what it is.  I was told and now, I think you'll be seeing more funsigns on this blog from now on.

*  I haven't been watching much tv lately.  I've been too engrossed on my reading that I sit in front of the tv during my tv hours but not really watching.  I've just finished "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee and I give this book a 5/5 rating.  I'm trying to recall if I have ever seen the movie of this.  But I couldn't recall seeing it.  But this book reminds me very much of John Grisham's "The Client."  I can't help but think that he actually might have based his book on this one.

*  And right after this book, I started "Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger.  I am intrigued by this book since I  have read a lot about it.  Time to see for myself what this is all about.

*  But of course, I'm still following "100 Days To Heaven."  This teleserye ends tomorrow.  I will surely miss this show.  This is the only teleserye that I have religiously followed from its beginning to the end.  Will there be a sequel?

*  Like most people, I am not actually satisfied with the result of PGT Season 3.  I understand if our kababayan,  "KIRIKO," did not win.  But it is really hard to accept that El Gamman Penumbra and Synergy and those others that have potential did not make it.  With the show's people saying that it's the people who decided by text voting, I realized that maybe Maasinhon Trio's kababayans  joined forces and voted.  Maybe the others' flock didn't try just as hard.  But then again,  this only shows that the show is like a popularity contest.

*  Still on PGT 3.  But of course, I wouldn't go for Khalil Ramos.

*  Still on PGT 3.  It's a good thing that I didn't follow this season from the start to the end.  I only got interested when I read in Facebook that our kababayans made it to the semi-finals.  I swear I won't be following no more PGT season after this.  They say there's no more season 4 because "The X-Factor" is there.  But still, text votes are also a big factor in this show, right?

*  I am about to get pissed off by this eBay buyer who kept promising that she'll pay for the goods she bought. It's been days that she kept telling me that she'll deposit the money today, but never did.  I am being very lenient on her with regard to giving her a strike-out on eBay but my patience is really running out.

Wednesday after the fifth cycle

I have been sleeping a lot.  Even my BFF was wondering because she called several times and I was sleeping at all times.  I was sleeping profusely for the past three days.  It's like I just get up to eat some dinner and then get back to sleep again.  For those three days, I was only eating Columbia Garden's chop suey and turon from the streets.  Well, I actually found out that Columbia Garden still has the best chop suey in town, not to mention the good price.

It was only yesterday that we got to talk again after I got discharged from the hospital.

Breakfast sucks!  I wanted so much to eat longganisa but I couldn't.  It's not that the longganisa was bad.  It's my taste bud.  If I haven't complained too much about it with the first few cycles, I, too, am wondering, why it tastes so bad at this time.

I was so pissed off that I asked my sister if we can go to McDo so I can eat.  But when I got there, I couldn't eat the fries.  She left me there for some errands and by the time she came back for lunch, I only had choco fudge.  Then, we saw some students eating those chicken strips and I thought I started to drool.  So, I asked her if she can get me one of those.  But then, again, I could only take two spoonfuls.  So, I ended up going home eating only a few pieces of french fries, choco fudge, and two spoonfuls of rice with Chicken McDo.  Boohoo!

Boyet wants to visit me, but I still can't since it hasn't been two weeks.  But I asked him if we can go to the mall and he'll treat me with some french fries from Potato Corner.  He bought me that the last time he came by and I loved it.  But since it hasn't been two weeks yet, I told him I'll just text him when we can finally go.

Anyway.

That tribute by the Happy Yipeey Yehey! trio for the Miss Universe the other day (09/13/11) was not a tribute but something else.  If I heard it right, it was like they were mocking the other contestants who did not making it to the pageant.  And really, if what I heard from them was right, I am really ashamed of you, people.

Someone told me that I should update my BlackBerry 8700 because I haven't been since last year.  He said that if I don't, some of the apps might not be available after some time.  And he was right!  I couldn't get a third party app for Twitter for my unit.  It's a good thing though that my Facebook app is still running.  But seriously, I don't really need the function these days, especially if it's an 8700 that you're dealing with.

Another thing is that I think it's going to die on me anytime soon.  While using it, it suddenly turns off for no reason at all.  And it looks like there is a loose connection between the body and the battery pack.  Oh well, I've had some good times with the phone in 2009 and I guess it was my best friend during that time.

On this fifth cycle, I get to choose my room

I guess this is what you get when you believe that "things happen for a reason."

I wasn't able to get admitted on my scheduled day because the hospital was full.  They were giving me choices that I didn't want to take because I didn't want to take chances.  Either way, I mean, putting me in either a more expensive room or a cheaper room doesn't make any sense to me.  The end point, if none of my preferred room vacates the next day, I'll be left with no choice but the take the more expensive, solo room.

So, I waited, and by the time I was to get admitted, there were a lot of vacant rooms that I asked the nurse if I can choose Room 310, if it is available.  Well, after four cycles and four different rooms, this was my favorite among them.  I was happy to know that the nurse said I can take that room.

Anyway, the fifth cycle started at about the same time as it did before.  The funny thing is I woke up after about a few hours to find out that my BFF was there and was chatting with my sister.  I knew she wanted to make it by the time the cycle started but her chores and the weather were two things that couldn't make her come.  So, by the time she made it, I was half-way on my cycle and was fast asleep.  I saw here dressed in her gym attire and she said she's going to lift some weights after.  Another funny thing is we both wanted to have a long chat but I was too damn sleepy.  She left and I was fast asleep the moment she's gone.  There's no problem though. I know we could catch up by the time I'm home.  It's just that you know, sometimes between best friends, there are some funny stories that could not seem to wait.  LOL!

Somewhere along the cycle, the drip went off and we had to call the nurse to fix it.  I guess I was moving too much.   It was kinda messy since the back flow was more than I expected, and it was out of the line so it was all over my sheets and on the floor.  It's a good thing, too, that it wasn't the needles that was taken out.  That's what I would really hate when it happens, and I will probably hate myself for being not too careful.  This is the first time it happened and I think the next time, I really should be more careful when I move. 

I guess I wasn't in the same mood as I was during the fourth cycle.  I took less pictures this time.  And I chose to stay more inside the room and rest.  But it's not like I was feeling weak or something.  I wasn't just in the mood.  I guess it might be the weather.

By the time we got home yesterday,  my mind was still thinking of watching a DVD, but I was too sleep to do so.  So, I was off to bed til dinnertime and was off to bed again after dinner.  I could have eaten more daing na bangus but since I intend to sleep again shortly after, I just ate enough to fill me in and so that I could take my meds.

Fifth cycle done.  Thank you for all your support, prayers, emails and words of encouragement.  You are, again, my angels here on earth.

Gearing up for my fifth cycle and more

So it was a long weekend for those who are in school and those who are working.  Too bad it was a wet weekend that I guess not a lot of you were able to enjoy much of it.  I, on the other hand, never felt the joys of this time and I really wish I have.  Maybe I will once I get well.

Again, with the help of my friends, I am gearing up for my fifth cycle.  I am doing my lab clearance tomorrow, but as of this writing, I feel like changing my mind.  I think I'm going to do it today.  If it doesn't rain within the next hour, I think I will.  To all of you my friends who have sent something for me, my sincere thanks.  You are all my angels here on earth.

My sister has added zumba to her aerobic classes and of all the songs and routines she practices, this is one of my favorites, and this is the only one that makes me get up and do the moves with her.  Yes, I dance with her once in a while whenever she plays her zumba songs.

If you only know how much I miss going to the movies.  There are a lot of movies that I wanted to watch these days.  I actually have two more movie passes from my Laguna Life work and haven't used it.  I was almost tempted to ask my oncologist if I can go see a movie at the theaters.  But I held back because I was assuming she would still say no.

If things will be okay, I'll be confined again by Monday next week for my fifth cycle of chemotherapy.

I miss KFC here in the Philippines.  Their chicken - the original flavor, the gravy and the mashed potato.  But back in Dubai, my favorite was the twister.

The wound from my toenail extraction has finally healed.  I could never find the words to describe how nervous was I after the day it was taken out.  I was so effin' scared that it might get infected that I was so nervous the day after the extraction.

A friend called me the other day to break some good news.  When I asked her where she was, she said she was having coffee with another friend at the mall.  I miss having coffee with them.  She invited me to join them, but my back pain was just too much that day.

My doctor-friend told me that this effin' spondylosis is, in our language, rayuma.  And I am really thankful that it was just that.  I was worried that it is something else that would again need medical attention and it's really one of the things that I do not like right now.

This time, I needed a surgeon

I haven't talked about it but my toenail was a bother the past few weeks.  To put it simply, one would call it an ingrown.  But it's a little more than that.  Because an ingrown is just a little piece of nail that's trying to come out and it pushes our skin painfully.  Mine is different.  My toenail curls and squeezes a big part of my skin.  It curls in a way that it looks like a sushi and the skin was actually trapped inside and it hurts like hell when hit, poked, bumped or stepped unto.

I've had this back in 2009 and I had to endure it for almost a year.  My manicurista room mates (yes, two of them) tried to do something about it, but then, after a while, they said that I had to take it to a doctor.  I said I didn't want to go to a doctor there.  I don't trust the doctors there.  So, I lived with the pain until I had to go home.  Somehow, it healed by itself and went back to its normal form for some reason I don't know.  

Now it's back again, at the worse time.   About two weeks ago, my sister asked, "What can we do about it?"  And I said it's okay, I can handle the pain just as long as it does not bleed, or make a wound.  I told her that I was able to manage over it when I was in Dubai, so there is no reason why I can't handle the pain now.  

I would have had the nails removed under different circumstances - meaning, if I didn't have cancer and having chemotherapy.  I am actually scared that the wounds after removing it will get infected - which is what we are trying to avoid in all cases, that's why I am willing to go through all the pain again.

Nevertheless, I consulted it with my oncologist during my last visit the other day.  She told me I could have it removed since I am not having chemotherapy at the moment.  I asked her about the wound and she said it's okay, "kesa naman nahihirapan ka sa sakit."  I took this as a clearance - a go signal.

I went home thinking about it.  I know this isn't a work for our manicurista since I need anesthesia on this.  And besides, I wanted the whole toenail removed.  I was thinking of going to the provincial hospital and look for the surgeon who removed my ovarian cyst back in 2009, but I was apprehensive about it.  I am scared of being exposed to crowded places, and I am more scared of crowded places with sick people.  So, I struck it out of my two options.  With the only option of going to a private surgeon, the next thing to think about is how much will I spend for it.  I am trying to raise money for my fifth cycle and now comes this.  So, I decided to just let it be and see what happens.

I guess fate has a way of doing its thing.  Yesterday morning, I was going to play with Pepe when I noticed something different on my toenail.  There was a little amount of liquid coming out.  I got worried like hell and told my sister that we need to go to a surgeon right away.

And this is what happened in less than fifteen minutes, and on a fee that was way below than what I had in mind.  Had I known it's going to be that way, I would have had it done weeks ago.

He injected anesthesia on I guess three points around my toenail.  Then, he asked me several times if I can still feel it when he touches my toes.  Then it came to a point when I can only feel it but couldn't say where exactly.  Then, he said he just wanted to take it slowly just to make sure.  Then, it was done before I even knew it.  

I wish I had taken a picture of how my toenail looked like before the surgeon removed it.  It was not ingrown.   My surgeon said that it's the way my nails grow and it's the way it'll always be.  He said that he can actually remove the nerves so that my nails will not grow again, but he said it's not possible this time because it might get infected and it's not a good thing at this point.  

A new specs

The past few days have been quite awful.  I was always down with a headache that is far from a migraine attack.  I usually end up taking pain relievers to stop the pain.  But do I have to do this everyday?  

We were trying to figure out what the cause was.  It might be the weather, for sometimes if triggers a headache that sometimes would trigger my migraine.  But I think it's not, and it's not triggering my migraine as well.  

We finally agreed that it might be my eyeglasses.  I tried to look back and realized that I haven't change my eyeglasses since 2006, which was five years ago.  This means that my eyeglasses have long been overdue.  I need to have another check-up.

Well, I really noticed that my eyesight was quite poor recently.  But I didn't want to change my glasses at this time since it might be another side effect of chemotherapy and if I will change it at this point, I might have to change it again after I have finished with all the chemotherapy sessions.   I find it would be a total waste of money if I will have to change lenses in such a short period of time.  I could have waited until after I finished with the sessions, but the thing is this headache is pulling me down. So, since getting a new pair of glasses seem inevitable, what I did was choose the cheapest frame and lens that I could get.  

That's what my Dad and I did yesterday after going at the lab yesterday.  

Right now, I already have the new glasses and the optical shop people said that it might take two to three days for my eyesight to adjust to the new grade.  I hope this fixes everything already since it's taking away a lot of my internet and reading time - which is the only thing I get to do a lot these days.  And besides, I couldn't think of any other reasons why these headaches have been bugging me quite frequently the past few days.

My CT scan result after the fourth cycle

It's the usual routine.  I need to have my CT scan after every two cycles to monitor how I am responding to the treatment.  And also, since I still don't know when I would have the funds for my fifth cycle, my oncologist says it's best to know where we left off.

With regard to the mass on the recto-sigmoid region, there was a very slight decrease in size.  It is a not-so-good news though because I was expecting that it would somehow decrease by a centimeter or so.  But it isn't so.  But still, the fact that it's not growing is still good news to us.

Next, those nodes on both of my liver have been decreasing.  Previously, the right lobe has seven nodes.  Right now, there are only three and all these three decreased in size.  On the left, there used to be two, and now there's only one left and the size of this node also decreased.

But I guess the best of all the good news is the absence of the node on the included section of the lungs that was noted on my previous CT scan.  Previously, there was a 1.0 cm node that was noted on the right hilar region and we were all kind of worried about this.  I guess anything that has to do with the lungs is something to be concerned about since it will make me vulnerable to diseases.

So, these are really something positive to be thankful for.

I have yet to visit my oncologist to show her the results.  But, based on what I read, these are all positive news.

Also, I have yet to have my CA 125.  The laboratory says this is a special test and is only done once a week - on a Wednesday.  So, I'll have my blood extracted next Tuesday and probably get the result by Thursday.