Sharing a part of my email to a friend

At times, I wanted to write but didn't know what to write or how to write about these things.  But since this friend of mine triggers these things that I'm finding it hard to write about, let me share a part of my email to her:

Anyway, that bukol in my puwit is not so much of a bother... although sometimes it does. The worse thing that could happen with it is when the time comes that it will really close the chance of my pooping. THAT would be a major problem. If I come close to that, my doctor-friend knows that I will have to have that stoma. I told her that ayoko na ng operations. But she said there's no other way. So, I told her... Okay, let's just talk about it later.

What's bothering me so much these days is my back pain, which is due to that rayuma they detected back in 2009 after my operation. It stops me from doing things most of the time. The sad part is uupo na nga lang ako, nahihirapan pa ako, so I spend most of my days lying down. Just checking my mails, twitter and facebook proves to be tiring for my back. I have to do it within 30 minutes, lest the back pain starts.

Well, after reading and watching a lot about cancer, there will come a time that chemotherapy will not work. It's either you give up financially or your body will not anymore respond to the treatment. The people from the hospice knows that.

As for that discharge that we don't seem to know where it is coming from, I know there could be answers... but it will take a lot of tests like blood works and CT scan (and probably more) to be able to find out. And I am guessing that probably, when I finally have the answers, I would already be broke - due to the expenses incurred on these tests - when they tell me that this comes from this part and you will need to undergo through either radiation therapy or chemotherapy AGAIN. And that is answer enough for me. hehehehe..